Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
