It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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