Betty ford says i'm here all night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
