our cab driver is having phone sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
