I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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