if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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