dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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