I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
