he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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