How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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