If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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