I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i barfeds in our rink
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
