Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
