it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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