What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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