God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize