There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it because I queefed?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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