those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
