areolas are like halos for boobs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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