I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
