u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ruined the universe
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
