Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
