how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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