I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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