Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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