upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
