We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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