We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
