I think I died a long time ago.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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