they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
