When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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