So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
