Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The best revenge is premature balding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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