When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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