I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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