2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
