i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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