Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
