shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
