Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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