you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
