i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
