Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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