is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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