I must be too annoying 4 u.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
