That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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