just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
