Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
