Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
