Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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