I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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