whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
