The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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