we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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