I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
