We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
