i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
