I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
